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Wedding
Traditions,
Customs &
Folklore
Many of today's popular wedding
ceremony and reception traditions can be traced to ancient Egyptian and
European customs. These were often based on symbolism, superstition,
folklore, religion, and even the belief that evil spirits could bring
disease and death to newlyweds and crops, which was very important in many
farm-based early cultures. Although the exact origin and usefulness of
many of these early wedding traditions are not always clear, popular
acceptance has allowed them to flourish. Besides, many of these wedding
traditions are just plain fun!
According to various sources,
some of the early marriages were literally carried out by the Groom and
his "Bridesmen" (or "Bridesknights") who would kidnap
a woman (the origin of "carrying a Bride over the threshold")
from another tribe! The Groom and his fellow conspirators would then fight
off the female's family of tribesmen with swords held in their right hand
while the Groom would hold the captured Bride in his left hand, which is
the origin of why a Bride stands on the left side of the Groom at a
wedding.
After a successful capture,
another politically correct practice was for the Groom to hide his new
Bride for one month for mating purposes. It is said that the word
"honeymoon" was created to describe this one month cycle of the
moon when they would drink mead, which was a honey sweetened alcoholic
brew that effects both sobriety and the acidity of the womb, thus
increasing fertility.
Beginning around 1000 A.D.,
marriages were often nothing more than trading chips used in bartering
land, social status, political alliances, or money (no checks or credit
cards were accepted) between families!
The word,
"Wedding"
comes from the Anglo-Saxon word "wedd" that meant a man would
marry a woman and pay the Bride's father.
Bouquet Wedding bouquets were originally
made of such strong herbs as thyme and garlic, which were meant to
frighten away evil spirits, and to cover the stench emitting from people
who had not bathed recently! Bouquet Toss In ancient times, it was believed
that a Bride was especially lucky on her wedding day. Guests would
sometimes tear at her dress for a souvenir piece of good luck to take
home. The Bride's tossing of her bouquet grew from her desire to offer a
good luck souvenir, and prevent guests from bothering her (and her dress!)
during her reception. Bridesmaids Early Brides and Bridesmaids wore
similar dresses in order to confuse evil spirits. Bridal Shower Back in the days when weddings
were arranged by family members, it is said that a poor Dutchman fell in
love with a girl whose father refused her a dowry. Their friends showered
her with enough gifts to help them start a household. According to another
story, the first "Bridal Shower" occurred at the end of the 19th
century. At a party, the Bride's friends placed small gifts inside a
parasol and opened it over the Bride's head. When she opened the parasol,
she was "showered" with presents! Bridal Veil When marriages were arranged by
family members, the newlyweds very rarely were allowed to see one another.
Family members exchanging a dowry were afraid that if the Groom didn't
like the appearance of the Bride's face, he might refuse to marry her.
This is why the Father of the Bride "gave the Bride away" to the
Groom at the actual wedding ceremony. Only after lifting her veil just
prior to the ceremony did the Groom see the Bride's face for the first
time! Early Greek and Roman Brides wore red or yellow veils to represent
fire, and to ward off demons. Carrying The Bride Over The
Threshold When a Groom used to steal his
Bride from her tribe, he was forced to carry her kicking and screaming.
This act of thievery has evolved into a more romantic gesture,
welcoming the Bride into her new home. Garter Brides originally tossed a
garter, rather than a bouquet, at a wedding reception. In the 14th
century, this custom changed after Brides became tired of fighting off
drunken men who tried to remove the garter themselves! According to one
legend, the garter toss in England evolved from an earlier tradition of
"flinging the stocking". On their wedding night, guests would
follow the Bride and Groom to their bedroom, wait until they undressed,
steal their stockings, and then "fling" them at the couple! The
first person to hit the Bride or Groom on the head would supposedly be the
next person to marry. Money Dance According to one custom, when
arranged marriages were common, the Groom collected a dowry only after his
marriage was consummated. The money dance insured that the couple would
have some money before they left their wedding reception. According to
another wedding tradition, the people of the village gave gifts of
pottery, livestock, and garden plants to the newlyweds because the Bride
and Groom had no money to acquire these items until they had children,
after which a dowry was exchanged. Penny In Shoe This is a European tradition to
bring the Bride good luck, fortune, and protection against want. After the
Wedding Day, the lucky penny can be turned into a piece of jewelry as a
pendant, charm for a bracelet, or ring setting. Ring Finger Prior to the 5th century, the
ring finger was actually the index finger. Later, it was believed that the
third finger contained the "vein of love" that led directly to
the heart. Shoes On Vehicle Ancient Romans used to transfer
to the Groom his authority over his Bride when her Father gave the Groom
her shoes. In later years, guests threw their own shoes at the newlyweds
to signify this transfer of authority. Today, this tradition is kept alive
by simply tying old shoes to the back of the newlywed's vehicle before
they leave their wedding reception celebration. Something Old, Something New,
Something Borrowed, Something Blue This superstition of the Bride
wearing something that fits each of these four categories originated in
Europe to ward off evil spirits. Something Old: This tradition symbolized
the sense of continuity while making the transition from a single person
to that of a married couple. Something New: This tradition symbolized that
marriage represented a transition to adulthood. Something Borrowed: This
tradition symbolized the popular belief that by borrowing something from a
happily married couple, good fortune would follow the newlyweds. Something
Blue: In ancient Israel, blue was the border color of the Bride's dress,
symbolizing purity, constancy and fidelity. Stag Parties This is the male equivalent of
the Bridal Shower. Roman empire soldiers would feast with the Groom the
night before his wedding to say goodbye to his irresponsible days of
bachelorhood, and to renew their vows of allegiance to their friendships. Tossing Rice By believing that newlyweds
brought good luck, guests used to shower them with nuts and grains to
insure a bountiful harvest, and many children to work the land. During
years of a poor harvest, rice was tossed instead. This tradition continues
today with rice or birdseed (where permitted), or bubbles to wish the
Bride and Groom much happiness. Incidentally, it is not true that birds
eating rice thrown after a wedding ceremony will cause their stomachs to
enlarge and eventually explode. This myth may have simply evolved from
church and synagogue employees weary from cleaning up after every wedding
ceremony! Tuxedo Until the 20th century, the Groom
simply wore his "Sunday best" on his wedding day. It is said
that President Teddy Roosevelt popularized the modern tuxedo. Tying The Knot This comes from the days of the
Roman empire when the Bride wore a girdle that was tied in knots. The
Groom untied the knots prior to the consummation of their marriage. Wedding Cake Also during the days of the Roman
empire, wedding cakes were baked of wheat or barley. At the reception,
they were traditionally broken over the head of the new Bride by the Groom
as a symbol of her fertility. Guests would then scramble for pieces of the
cake, and take them home for good luck. It later became a tradition to
place many small cakes on top of each other as high as possible. The
newlyweds would then try to exchange a kiss over the top of the tower of
cakes without knocking them down. During the reign of King Charles II of
England, the baker added icing, and the modern style of wedding cake was
born. It is unclear when the tradition of the newlyweds smashing wedding
cake into each other's face first began, and uncertain if such marriages
are consummated later that day or evening! Wedding Ring According to some historians, the
first recorded marriage rings date back to the days when early man tied
plaited circlets around the Bride's wrists and ankles to keep her spirit
from running away. Approximately 3,000 BC, Egyptians originated the phrase
"without beginning, without end" in describing the significance
of the wedding ring. These rings were made of woven hemp which constantly
wore out and needed replacement. Although Romans originally used iron,
gold is now used as a symbol of all that is pure. Diamonds were first used
by Italians, who believed that it was created from the flames of love. In
some European cultures, the wedding ring is worn on the right hand. In
other cultures, an engagement ring is worn on the left hand, and the
wedding ring is worn on the right hand. Wedding Toast It is said that this tradition
first began in France, where bread would be placed in the bottom of two
drinking glasses for the newlyweds. They would then drink as fast as they
could to be the first person to get to the toast. According to legend, the
winner would rule their household! White Wedding Dress This was made popular in the
1840's by Queen Victoria, who chose this instead of the traditional royal
"silver" wedding dress. Prior to this, Brides simply wore their
best dress on their wedding day.
Popular Ethnic & Religious
Wedding Traditions
Various wedding customs have their
roots and popularity based on ethnic origin.
African-American At some African-American wedding
ceremonies, newlyweds "jump over a broom" to symbolize the
beginning of a new life. The ritual was created during slavery, when
African-Americans could not legally marry. Some people trace this wedding
tradition to an African tribal marriage ritual of placing sticks on the
ground representing the couple's new home. Today, the jumping of the broom
is a symbol of sweeping away of the old, and welcoming the new. Broom
Jumping can be performed either at the wedding ceremony, after the
minister pronounces the newlyweds husband and wife, or at the wedding
reception just after the Bridal Party enters the reception area. A fully
decorated broom can be purchased at ethnic stores. Other couples may
prefer to use a regular household broom decorated with bows, flowers,
and/or other trinkets in the wedding colors. At some receptions, guests
may participate in the ceremony by tying ribbons around the broom before
the Broom Jumping begins. Belgian As the Bride walks up the aisle
at her Wedding Ceremony, the Bride stops and hands her mother a flower
from her bouquet and they embrace. After the Wedding Ceremony is finished,
the new couple walk to the Groom's side of the church and the Bride gives
her mother-in-law a second flower from her bouquet and they also embrace. Chinese The Bride may wear a red wedding
dress, symbolizing love and joy. At the wedding reception, a nine-course
meal (lasting up to three hours) is very popular. A family member may act
as the official "Master of Ceremonies" orchestrating family
introductions, toasts, comedy sketches, and a reenactment of the
newlywed's courtship. Eastern Orthodox Church The rings are blessed by the
Priest, who takes them in hand, and makes the sign of the cross over the
Bride and Groom's head. The "Koumbaros" (Best Man) then
exchanges the rings three times, taking the Bride's ring and placing it on
the Groom's finger, and vice-versa. This exchange signifies that in
married life, the weaknesses of the one partner will be compensated for by
the strength of the other, and the imperfections of one by the
perfection's of the other. Candles are held throughout the Wedding
Service, which begins immediately after the Betrothal Service. The candles
are like the lamps of the five wise maidens of the Bible who, because they
had enough oil in them, were able to receive Christ when He came in the
darkness of the night. The candles symbolize the spiritual willingness of
the couple to receive Christ, Who will bless them through this sacrament.
The Office of the Crowning which follows is the climax of the Wedding
Service. The crowns are signs of the glory and honor that God crowns them
during the sacrament. The Bride and Groom are crowned as the King and
Queen of their own little "kingdom", their home, which they will
(hopefully) rule with wisdom, justice, and integrity. French One early French wedding custom
signifies the new alliance created by uniting two families through
marriage. During the Wedding Reception, the new couple raise a glass of
wine from two different vineyards. They then pour their wine into a third
glass and each drinks from it. German During the wedding ceremony, the
Groom may kneel on the hem of the Bride's dress to symbolize his control
over her. Not to be outdone, the Bride may step on the Groom's foot when
she rises to symbolize her power over him! Greek Some newlyweds wear a crown of
flowers during the wedding ceremony. The couple may walk around the altar
three times representing the Holy Trinity. At the reception, Greek folk
dances are popular, with guests lining up in a single file line. Hispanic During the wedding ceremony,
thirteen gold coins (representing the Groom's dowry to his Bride) are
often blessed by the priest, and passed between the hands of the newlyweds
several times before ending with the Bride. A large rosary or white rope
("laso") is sometimes wound around the couple's shoulders in a
figure-8 symbol of "infinity" during the wedding ceremony to symbolize their union as
one. Irish In the early 1900's, an Irish
couple would walk to church together on their Wedding Day. If the people
of their parish approved their union they would throw rice, pots, pans,
brushes and other household items at the couple as they approached their
church. Today, "hen parties" (Bridal Showers) have replaced this
practice. Some Irish people wear a "claddagh" ring for a wedding
ring. This ring was created by a master goldsmith, Richard Joyce, 400
years ago in a fishing village called Claddagh, which overlooks
Galway Bay. The claddagh symbolizes love, loyalty, and friendship. On the
right hand, with the heart facing inward, it means the wearer's heart is
unoccupied. Facing outwards reveals love is being considered. When worn on
the left hand facing outward, it signifies that the wearer is seriously
committed or married. At some Irish wedding receptions, the Groom is
lifted in a chair ("jaunting car") to celebrate that he is a
married man. For good luck, the newlyweds are given a horseshoe to display
in their home in the upward position. A traditional Irish wedding cake is
a fruitcake. Traditional Irish toasts, in addition to remarks from the
Best Man, are very popular. Irish Marriage Blessing
May God be with you and bless
you; Italian Some Brides may choose to carry a
white silk or satin purse ("busta") to store gifts of money that
are welcomed. "Tarantella" folk dances are popular at the
wedding reception. Another Italian custom is to present five sugar-coated
almonds to the guests which represent health, wealth, long life,
fertility, and happiness. Japanese The Bride and her Parents might
visit the Groom's house on wedding day. At the wedding ceremony, the
Bride's wedding gown is often a traditional wedding kimono. She usually
changes into something else at the wedding reception. The first of nine
sips of sake drunk by the Bride and Groom at their wedding ceremony
symbolizes the official union of marriage. Jewish It is a Jewish tradition for a
Bride to present her Groom with a tallit to wear for his Aufruf, the
reading of the Torah prior to their ceremony. The Groom's family often
give candlesticks to the Bride that can be used during the actual wedding
ceremony. It is also a custom for Jewish men to cover their heads at all
times, especially during prayers, with a kippot (yarmulkes), as a form of
reverence, respect, and acknowledgement that God is present everywhere. In
some congregations, women also cover their heads to pray. Some Orthodox, Conservative, and
Reform wedding ceremonies take place under a chuppah (wedding canopy). The
chuppah is a rectangular piece of cloth large enough for the Bride, Groom,
Rabbi, and sometimes other members of the wedding party to stand under.
The chuppah signifies the new home about to be shared by the newlyweds.
Before the procession to the chuppah, the tanaim are signed, and the Groom
is asked if he is ready to take on the responsibilities outlined in the
kepubah. He signifies his willingness by accepting a handkerchief or other
object offered to him by the Rabbi. The two witnesses to this sign the
ketubah. While the actual text of the ketubah is never meant to vary, the
border decorations on this document have over the centuries been the
subject of remarkable artistic creations. At the beginning of the wedding
ceremony, the Bride might observe the Biblical custom of "Circling
the Groom" seven times. This practice is seen as a powerful act of
definition, where the Bride will symbolically create the space that they
will share as husband and wife. In
Judaism, the number seven is mystical and represents completion and
fulfillment. Just as the creation of the world was finished in seven days,
the seven circles complete the couple's search for each other.
The bedeken, or veiling, is a
small ceremony in which the Groom lowers the veil over the Bride's face,
and by this act acknowledges that he is marrying the correct woman. This
custom originated in the story of Jacob who didn't see the face of his
Bride prior to his wedding and was tricked into marrying Leah instead of
his intended, Rachel. The Jewish marriage ceremony
consists of two parts: Erusin (pre-engagement) and Nissuin (marriage).
These ceremonies were historically performed up to one year apart, but
more recently the two have been combined into one ceremony. The Eursin
ceremony begins with Kiddush, the blessing over the wine. Kiddush
is part of virtually all Jewish observances as a prayer of sanctification.
The exchange of rings completes the Erusin ceremony.
In Jewish law, a verbal
declaration of marriage is not legally binding unless an act of Kinyan, a
formal physical acquisition is completed. This is reached when two
witnesses see the Bride accept a ring from the Groom, and he recites the
words of marriage. After the ketubah has been read at the ceremony, wine
is often poured into a new glass, and the Sheva Berakhot (Seven
Benedictions) are recited over it. The Bride and Groom then drink from the
glass of wine. With the ceremony complete, tradition calls for the Groom
to break the wrapped glass by stomping on it. This final action symbolizes
the destruction of the Holy Temple in Israel, and reminds guests that love
is fragile. The audience may shout Mazel Tov, and the Bride and Groom
kiss.
Immediately after the wedding
ceremony, the couple may spend a few private moments together, or Yichud
as a symbolic consummation of their marriage. Later, the Mitzvah, or
obligation, of rejoicing at a wedding reception is incumbent on the Bride,
Groom, and guests.
Mexican Red beads are sometimes tossed at
Newlyweds to bring them good luck. Polish The Mother of the Bride may
choose to place the veil on the Bride before the wedding ceremony to
symbolize her last task that a Mother does on behalf of her girl before
she becomes a married woman. A traditional folk song ("Twelve
Angels") is sometimes played at the reception, allowing the Bride to
transfer her veil, and good luck to be married, to her Maid of Honor,
Bridesmaids, and Flower Girl. A morning wedding ceremony is sometimes
followed with a brief afternoon luncheon, several hours of downtime when
guests return home, and then a long evening wedding reception. Polka
dances and other audience participation events are very popular. Scottish The Groom and his Groomsmen often
wear Scottish kilts (and traditionally no undergarments!). The Groom may
present the Bride with an engraved silver teaspoon on their wedding day to
symbolize that they will never go hungry. A traditional sword dance is
sometimes performed at their wedding reception. Spanish A Spanish Groom gives sometimes
gives his Bride thirteen coins in memory of Christ and the twelve
apostles. The Bride carries them in a small bag during the Wedding
Ceremony as a symbol that the Groom promises to support and care for her. Persian
The Persian wedding ceremony despite its local and regional variations, like many other rituals in Iran goes back to the ancient Zoroastrian tradition. Zoroastrianism was the religion of Parsi nation (Persians) before the introduction of Islam to the country, 1400 years before present. Zoroastrians believe in a single god, an all-wise creator who is supreme "Ahura Mazda" also known as Ormuzd, and they are dedicated to a three-fold path, as shown in their motto: "Good thoughts, Good words, Good deeds". Though the concepts and theory of the marriage have changed drastically by Islamic traditions and Koran, the actual ceremonies have remained more or less the same as they were originally in the ancient Zoroastrian culture. In modern Iran the marriage ceremony is more a symbol of their rich ancient culture than religion, even though it has been influenced by religion to some extent. For Iranians marriage is considered to be an event, which must be celebrated not quietly but with glory and distinction. It is the most conspicuous of all the rituals and must be celebrated in the presence of an assembly, which can bear witness to the event. In the ancient times, the musicians playing at marriage gatherings used drums to announce the marriage to the people of the town or village. The group that gathered for the marriage was called the assembly "Anjoman" for the queenly bride. Traditionally, both the bride and the bridegroom would dress in white with wreaths of flower on their necks, something similar to the Hawaiian Lei. These wreaths of flower are still worn in modern wedding ceremonies in Pakistan (which used to be part of the great Persian Empire), but it is eliminated from the Iranian wedding ceremony. The color white is a symbol of purity, innocence and faithfulness. Today most modern Iranian couples follow the western dress code and style. There are two stages to a Persian marriage. Most often both take place on the same day, but occasionally there could be some time between the two. The first is called "Aghd", the legal process of getting married, when both the bride and bridegroom and their guardians sign a marriage contract. The second stage is "Jashn-e Aroosi", the actual feasts and the celebrations, which traditionally lasted from 3 to 7 days. The ceremony takes place in a specially decorated room with flowers and a beautiful and elaborately decorated spread on the floor called "Sofreh-ye Aghd". Traditionally Sofreh-ye Aghd is set on the floor facing east, the direction of sunrise (light). Consequently when bride and bridegroom are seated at the head of Sofreh-ye Aghd they will be facing "The Light".
By custom Aghd would normally take place at bride's parents/guardians home. The arrival of the guests, who are to be witnesses to the marriage of the couple, initiates the wedding ceremony. Traditionally the couples' guardians and other elder close family members are present in the room to greet the guests and guide them to their seats. After all the guests are seated the bridegroom is the first to take his seat in the room at the head of Sofreh-ye Aghd. The bride comes afterwards and joins the bridegroom at the head of Sofreh-ye Aghd. The bridegroom always sits on the right hand side of the bride. In Zoroastrian culture the right side designates a place of respect. The spread that is used on the floor as the backdrop for Sofreh-ye Aghd was traditionally passed from mother to daughter (or occasionally son). The spread is made of a luxurious fabric such as "Termeh" (Cashmere: A rich gold embroidered fabric originally made in Cashmere from the soft wool found beneath the hair of the goats of Cashmere, Tibet, and the Himalayas), "Atlas" (Gold embroidered satin) or "Abrisham" (Silk). On Sofreh-ye Aghd, the following items are placed: When the bride and bridegroom are both seated the marriage ceremony begins. Usually the Moslem priest "Mullah" or other males with recognized authority such as a notary public will be the master of ceremony and perform the legal part of the ceremony. The bride and the bridegroom have each a marriage witness. Usually older and married males are chosen amongst close relations to stand as witnesses. The ceremony consists of preliminary blessings, questions to the witnesses, guardians and the marrying couple. Finally the ceremony is solemnized by giving some prayers for the newly wed couple and signing of a legal marriage contract. After the preliminary blessings and a few words about the importance of the institution of marriage, the master of ceremony confirms with both the parents or guardians that they indeed wish to proceed with the ceremony and there are no objections. Then the master of ceremony asks the mutual consent of the couple. First the bridegroom is asked if he wishes to enter into the marriage contract, then the bride is asked the same question. Once the bride is asked if she agrees to the marriage, she pauses. The question is repeated three times and it is only at the third time that she will say yes. To make the bridegroom wait for the bride's answer is to signify that it is the husband who seeks the wife and is eager to have her and not the other way around! During the reading of the marriage contract, all the unmarried ladies are asked to leave the room. There exists the belief that a girl should only hear the marriage ceremony's readings for her own marriage or her chances for marriage might be ill-fated! Nowadays the single ladies do not seem to be too worried about finding a husband and getting married, because most of them stay in the room to witness the ceremony. During the service married female relatives of the couple (mainly the bride) hold over the couple's head the fine scarf. Two different actions take place at the same time. Two pieces of crystallized sugar shaped like cones are rubbed together, a symbolic act to sweeten the couple's life. In the second act two parts of the same fabric are sewn together with needle and thread to symbolize sewing mother-in-law's lips together. The ceremony is reminiscent of the ancient traditions. Once the bride has said yes to the proposal, the master of the ceremony pronounces the couple husband and wife and asks for God's blessing to be with the couple in their lives together. The bride and bridegroom place the wedding bands on each other's hands and feed each other honey. Afterwards the couple, their guardians, witnesses and master of ceremony sign the documents. Traditionally after the ceremony while the bride and groom are still seated the bride is showered with gifts, usually expensive jewelry, and all she receives is hers. The bridegroom does not receive many gifts. He only receives one gift from the bride's parents/guardians. When all the gifts are presented to the bride the wedding ceremony is officially concluded. Generally after the ceremony the bride and bridegroom and the guests move to the location of the wedding celebration party "Aroosi" and celebrate the occasion by playing laud cheerful music, dancing and consuming some lavishly prepared food. The celebration includes a lavish meal, sometimes with a whole roast lamb as the centerpiece. Jeweled rice "Morrasah Polo" or sweet rice "Shirin Polo" is always served along with many other dishes and an elaborate wedding cake. The celebration, with so much feasting, singing, and dancing, is a day for all to remember. After the guests have gone home, it is customary to give the remaining pastries to those who were unable to come and to those who helped make the day a success. The sugar cones are kept by the bride for good luck. Before they enter their home, the bride kicks over a bowl of water placed in the doorway. The water spilled on the threshold represents enlightenment, happiness, and purification for their new house. A friendly competition starts with the bride and groom as the bride tries to enter her house while stepping on her husband's feet. This act makes the bride the boss in the household.
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